HCM 20165-S,8 Merewood

Hello everyone

Sorry there wasn't a post last week, one of my co workers went into the hospital so I was call back to work early and that put me of track.

This is from Merewood scene, or paragraph 8 and has two of the four main characters, Hallam Silverton and Jayden Barnes. I know it's long but I'd like it if you would please read through it and let me know what you think.

    

With the ship now in flight Hallam went to find Jayden and found him in the main cabin, the bed had been made up into a sofa and Jayden sat on it looking out the portal at the emptiness of space. He all so noted his backpack and bag, crammed with everything he own it was a clear sign he wanted to leave at the first opportunity. When he asked Jayden to join him he gave no thought to going back for his clothes cause they would be easily replaced, Jayden however did go back to the ship packed his things and left with really no one seeing him go so officially neither had left the ship. “Jay, I’m sorry I should have been more clear about why we were landing there and I understand if you want to leave, and I’ll take you where ever you want to go, but first I want to take you to Jaconda, There’s a resort right on the ocean with miles of beaches where we can sit and have someone else wait on you.”  

As mad as he was with Hallam he found he couldn’t stay mad for long, “To sit and be waited on sounds good, think I’d like that,” he said getting up and coming over to where Hallam was standing. “But Jaconda is kind of pricey, how are we going to manage that, I know I said I wanted adventure, but I also want it legal.”

“Don’t worry I’ve got it covered,” Hallam said and kissed him. At that point the cabin was plunged in to darkness then half light and the computer intoned “Warning main power off line eighteen hours of reserve.” Hallam turn away from Jayden and then back “I didn’t do this but I got to check this out.” He said and headed for the flight deck with Jayden right behind him, who stood back and let Hallam work, he wanted to know what had happen but didn’t want to be in the way, he also wished the computer would stop counting down.

“The power cells are drained, we have to find a planet to land on and fast.” He said looking at the controls.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Jayden asked.

“Yes there’s a panel back in the main cabin go switch everything off and then come back here,” Hallam said without looking at him. “By keeping only power to the flight deck will buy us more time.”

Without a word Jayden did as he was told, located the panel and shut down power to the rest of the ship including environmental controls. Using his pen torch to light his way back to the flight deck just inside it he found the controls and triggered the bulkhead.

Hallam heard the hiss of it sealing and turned towards Jayden, “Good move, now sit down strap yourself in. I found a planet, but I can’t guarantee will still have maneuvering thrusters when we get there.”

Again Jayden did as he was told and was surprised at how calm he was. After a bit he was finding it hard to keep his eyes open or stay awake, that’s when he noticed Hallam getting out masks and handing one to him and showing him how to connect to the tank of air under his seat, as he started breathing from the tank his head began to clear.

At last the planet came into view most of the systems were off line and Hallam had open the forward port shield so they were seeing the ship pass through the atmosphere as opposed to using the view screen. The last thing Jayden saw before closing his eyes was skimming over treetops of a great forest waiting for the crash which didn’t seem to come.

Hallam had found a clearing where forest and mountain met and managed to bring the ship into a nice soft landing near a pool of water. He sat there for a moment in the dark, the power was all spent hence the darkness before getting up torch in hand and moving to the bulkhead and found the emergency release override then made his way to the airlock and got it opened. Sunlight and moist, humid air flowed in and he breathed in several lung full’s before going back into get Jayden, who hadn’t moved he was still sitting with his eyes closed, he seemed to be unconscious, Panicking he checked the air tank found it full and on. Hallam unfastened the straps and grabbed a hold of him and carried him out and laid him down on the mossy ground. Checking for a pulse he found one, and started shaking him trying to bring him around. Eventually he began to get a reaction from Jayden, Who’s eyes began to flicker open, and Hallam began to breathe easier, “You all right now?” 

“I think so” Jayden finally managed to say; he felt weak and a bit weird, “What happen to me, where are we?”

“I think in the excitement you held your breath a little too long and knocked yourself out,” Hallam said. “I don’t think you should try and get up just yet.” He added when Jayden tired to sit up. “Just take it easy.”

“You didn’t say where we are,” Jayden said turning his head trying to look around.

“Haven’t a clue, I used the last of the sensors to see if it were breathable and non hostile environment,” He said looking about. “It’s definitely not the beaches of Jaconda.”

“No but it’s not bad either,” Jayden said finally managing to sit up. 

HCM Merewood

           

        In January 2011 I started to write a story which became Merewood. At the time it was just another attempt at a story line featuring a large country house full of servants and the family they served. These stories always failed on me, Edwardian England was not all that friendly to same sex couples. But what if said story took place at a different time and planet. This allowed Merewood to do something none of my other stories have done. A full rough draft was finished on June 10th 2013. 68,522 words, of course the short story “Our Best Christmas” moved beyond this and was published last December. But back to Merewood, which was written in pieces not from beginning to end, so there are bits which will be trim away, as well as parts which will be added to, or changed completely. With that said may I say I never liked the way it started after I wrote it, and knew I’d come back and change it. Below is the original and revised. If you’re reading this I very much would like to know what you think. So please leave a comment.

But please keep in mind that neither have been edited.

ORIGINAL JANUARY 2011

           Merewood Manor ancestral home of the Silverton family sat placidly enjoying a fine summer’s day, its inhabitants both family and servants were going about their daily business. None had any hint of events unfolding out across the stars where the luxury star liner Wesson developed a series of cracks in its power core and exploded ripping apart the ship with no warning or survivors. News of the tragedy began to spread across the stars and reached Eaton Prime just before dinner time.

       “Who is left in the dining room,” Mr. Hawkins asked as Gareth the head footman and Fredrick came down the stairs with trays. Did the ladies go through yet?”

       “Yes they have Mr. Hawkins,” Gareth said as the backdoor bell rang. “Fredrick, answer it,” he added wondering why the boy had waited to be told.

       “Now who could that be at this hour,” Mrs. Pelly, the cook said. She hated anything that changed the normal routine.

“Special delivery Mr. Hawkins,” Fredrick said as he came back holding out the tablet. “Said his lordship was to see it straight away.”

       “I’ll take it,” Gareth said taking it from Fredrick and starting for the stairs.

       “Use a salver,” Mr. Hawkins called out. “Never hand it, all ways present on a salver. I will not allow standards to drop in this house.”

       “Yes I know Mr. Hawkins,” he said turning from the stairs regretting having been so impulsive and forgetting. Fredrick had gotten one and was handing it out to him.

       “That’s bad news,” Mrs. Grisdella said from the kitchen doorway. “First all of them on that ship and now this.”

       “Calm yourself Mrs. Grisdella; we don’t know that its bad news, Mrs. Wilton the housekeeper said “And all of you on with your duties.” She looked at Mr. Hawkins as the collective staff went about their duties. Neither spoke but it was clear they both felt the cook was right.

       Gareth entered the dining room where Edward Silverton the Earl of Merewood sat with his son Julian. He walked over to where his lordship sat, “Special delivery, said you were to see it at once.” Having presented it he returned to his position at the door ready to open it when they were ready to join the others.

       “Excuse me Julian while I see what was so important,” Edward said taking the tablet and scanning the message. “Oh dear lord.”

       “Father what is it,” he said getting up, he had intended to get the tablet to read but his father block him as he got up and headed for the door which Gareth had opened.

REVISED JANUARY 2014

       Merewood Manor ancestral home of the Silverton family sat placidly enjoying a fine summer’s day, its inhabitants both family and servants were going about their daily business. None had any hint of events unfolding out across the stars where the luxury star liner Wesson developed a series of cracks in its power core and exploded ripping apart the ship with no warning or survivors. News of this tragedy began to spread across the stars and reached Eaton Prime just before dinner time. When Conner Windom, of Windom/ Hill, the solicitors who represented the family received word he set out for Merewood, without announcing he was coming. He wanted to get to the Earl with the news before it became general knowledge, he didn’t even want to alert the servants, but knew the drive beacon would announce his arrival when he got near.

       Mr. Hawkins looked up as Gareth the head footman and Fredrick came down the stairs with trays of dishes.

       “Who is left in the dining room?” he asked. As they took their trays into the kitchen

       “His lordship and Mr. Julian,” Gareth said as the drive beacon sounded on the old bell board. In the old days it had bells which would ring when someone pulled the cord summoning help from the staff. Now days it was all electronic and sent text messages to tablets the servants used with more details.

       “Now who could that be at this hour,” Mrs. Grisdella, the cook said. She hated anything that changed the normal routine. Mr. Hawkins picked up his tablet and entered his code and viewed the tracking information which told him the approaching vehicle was registered to Windom/hill.

       “That’s bad news,” Mrs. Grisdella said from the kitchen doorway. “First all of them on that ship and now this.”

       “Calm yourself Mrs. Grisdella; we don’t know that its bad news, Mrs. Wilton the housekeeper said “And all of you on with your duties.” She looked at Mr. Hawkins as the collective staff went about their duties. Neither spoke but it was clear they both felt the cook was right.

        The large front door open just as Connor came up the steps, as he knew the staff would have known of his arrival.

       “Good evening sir.” Gareth said standing to one side as Conner Windom entered the grand front hall.

       “Um yes,” Conner said looking at Gareth, but couldn’t remember the new guy’s name. “I need to speak to his lordship urgently, and alone.”

       “Yes sir,” Gareth said stepping forward to take his hat and coat. “Fredrick will show you into the study.”

       “I know the way.” Connor said heading off with Fredrick following him. Gareth closed the door and headed to the dining room. He had a very bad feeling about this, and unannounced visit at this hour, this was not good.

       “Excuse me sir, Gareth said entering the dining room.”Mr. Windom is here, he says he needs to speak to you urgently.”

       “Excuse me Julian while I see to this,” Edward Silverton said rising from where he’d been sitting. “Please go join the others in the drawing room.”

        Julian did as he was told and headed for the door which Gareth had opened. He had a worried look on his face as he went.

       “He’s in the study sir.” Gareth said. Edward didn’t say a word just walked on out and down the hall towards the study.

       “Had to come, it couldn’t be said in a texts.” Was all Gareth heard as he pulled the door shut and waited in the hall with Fredrick. When the door open a few minutes later and Edward came out, he looked pale and shaken. He didn’t respond to Gareth or even Conner but made his way to where the rest of his family was.

       “I’ll see myself out you see to him.” Conner said before heading towards the front hall. Gareth sent Fredrick after Conner to get his hat and coat, while he went to the drawing room.    

         

Just ramblings

            Hi Everyone

Well the temperature has now got up to 35 degrees; this is the first time above freezing this week. Now it’s supposed rain, and with all this snow on the ground where is this rain going to go? No place it’s just going to sit there and will freeze. Ah yes got to love winters in Michigan.

            I’ve been working on rewriting the opening of Merewood, I knew at the time would be needed. I’ll be posting it here along with the original in hopes of getting some feedback on the changes made. And speaking of changes, check out the new HCM logo, it’s currently being used as the cover photo on Facebook. 

Well that’s all for now talk to you again soon with more on Merewood. Bye nowJ